Dear Virgins, Allow me to extend my genuine gratitude; I’m honored you have chosen to visit my blog. I hope your time does not prove wasted here, as building human connections through the written word is paramount to me. I’ve made many friends via WordPress. I’ve also offended a metric fuck-ton of people; these folksContinue reading “Virgins”

Discount Rap

To Whom It May Concern: I am a writer. Many writers consider writing an art form. I am one of those writers. I’m also an artist–mostly pencil and pen, but do I love to paint. Or at least I did love to paint back when I could afford the supplies to support my painting hobby. PencilsContinue reading “Discount Rap”

Thanks an Effing Lot!

Dearest friends and family the world over, You all deserve ponies, and ice cream sundaes, and bouncy castles, and…I don’t know. What is like, super balls awesome? ATVs? ATVs, I suppose, are pretty fucking rad. The encouragement I receive in support of my dream is incredible, and incomparable. I’m an author now, not only becauseContinue reading “Thanks an Effing Lot!”

An Open Letter of Aggression

I am in fact, ignoring your phone calls. Leave a message, and I will listen to it at my earliest convenience. Send me a text and I will likely answer promptly, so long as it’s not an invitation for company. I’m avoiding company, as my own is the only I desire at the moment. UnlessContinue reading “An Open Letter of Aggression”

Fuuh! I can’t even right now, with your colossal fuck-uppery.

Dear Verizon, and HTC I hate your actual guts. Both of you bastards have driven me to drink. On a fucking Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday! What the actual fuck is the Verizon Cloud? Where are my goddamned files and contacts??? The only thing that’s easy about using this back-up service you provide is losing my shit. Sure, IContinue reading “Fuuh! I can’t even right now, with your colossal fuck-uppery.”

To the asshole in charge of Skittles flavors

Dear Sir or Madam, Admittedly, I do not eat candy regularly, so my opinion means fuck all to you, I’m sure. Nonetheless, I feel it is my duty as a consumer to inform you, the Wrigley Company/Mars Inc. that a grave injustice has been perpetrated against all who love the lime flavored Skittle. Green appleContinue reading “To the asshole in charge of Skittles flavors”

Dear Bag Of Dicks,

Late afternoon, yesterday, I was tending to my blog–reading my friends’ and catching up with comments. Whenever I receive a “like,” “follow,” or comment notification from someone I’m not familiar with, I always click to view their WordPress site. You, Bag of Dicks, ruined a perfectly good mood–a mood I don’t feel much of anymore,Continue reading “Dear Bag Of Dicks,”