Sickness hovers heavy over America–the political and religious vitriol, explosive diarrhea. Civil liberties and the pursuit for more have only upset the belly of this great nation. Eliminate freedom, and be rid of the shit storm. Simple.
Let us formally unite the church and state, and embrace a government dictated by Christian theocracy. I propose we all live under Conservative Evangelical rule. First we would eradicate all non-christian religion. Buh-bye, Jews–round two. Same goes for you, Native Americans. Buh-bye Muslims–you all hate America anyway. Atheists, you get the fuck out, too–you worship Satan. And Mexicans, well, a lot of you may be Christians, but we just don’t like you–you steal American jobs from all of the Americans lined up for the opportunity to pick apples for obscenely low wages.
Next, the removal of the sciences from public school, because science was created by Satan in order to propagate the myths of evolution and the existence of dinosaurs; the overturning of the SCOTUS ruling in favor of gay marriage, because gays–yuck, they’re only sub-human; the banning of contraceptives, and sex education in schools, because both of these evils just encourage teen sex, and sex out of wedlock; and the banning of abortions, especially, because women who seek abortions are godless whores, and initiate rape.
I know this is a radical proposal–a proposal that may cause worry. But fear not, and trust we will all be much safer and happier, surrounded by our own God blessed kind, behind the great Trump wall with every Tom, Dick, and Harry American citizen armed and loaded–because the one thing we’ve done right is to ensure every American has access to firearms.